If this is love, than what is hate?

Alright people, here's the dealio: my family is slowing killing me.
My mother is slowly etching away at my soul and I am unable to retaliate for she is my mother, and I am to honour her, but I am breaking down day by day and I need out!


For example, my mom has a thing for punctuality. If you say you are going to be home at four o'clock you best not be home at 4:03 or she will go on a rant about breaking trust and giving an inch and taking a mile and so on a so forth. So last night while at BIBLE STUDY of all things she calls during our prayer time to ask where the heck I am. She knows fully where I am and it's not like I'm out partying somewhere doing inappropriate things, I'm at bible study for goodness sakes and it's not even ten p.m. yet! I have so much built up tension that I burst into tears over the smallest of things now and I just can't deal. I have so much love for this woman but she is slowly tearing me apart.

On another note, I deleted my sister from facebook a month or so ago because I could no longer handle seeing the path that she is going down. She re-added me yesterday though and I finally broke down and accepted. The thing is my heart is so bitter towards her and loving her is not the easiest thing. But one of the study girls made an awesome point last night that really struck me. We were talking about someone else's situation and she said something along the lines of "but think, God has so much more love for her than you do!" I loved that because even at this current moment as I am completely detached from this person God is loving her more than ever, and more than I ever could. It was a comforting thought as I no longer have any feeling for this person that use to be my "sister." When she first moved we used to bug my Grandma for she was practically mourning because she was gone, but now I can see where she was coming from. With little contact and the fact that my sister has become someone unrecognizable I feel like I have lost a family member. And whenever we do see her it's like starting fresh with a complete stranger and I actually feel myself getting annoyed with her presence. That is so messed up!!

So I'm at a major breaking point and I don't know where to go from here so I'm taking it day by day and using every bit of patience I can just to cope. Thanks for letting me rant. xoxo Amy

Rain, rain go away, come again another day, all the world is waiting for the sun...

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