Thursday, September 29, 2011

Until your tank is on empty...

Bible study was on Tuesday and I've been marinating on this thought for the past couple days so obviously it needs to be shared.

We had the privilege of two ladies coming in to mentor us and lead our study for us and Tuesday night was basically introductions and we got on to a tangent of using "stuff" to make you happy, or what you relate happiness to.

So some usual things would be drinking, partying, sex, drugs, rock and roll and such. For example: you smoke pot to relax, therefore you relate pot smoking to happiness and relaxation and your brain then thinks that is what needs to be done to feel this way and nothing else will suffice, whereas you need to relate happiness to God.

Thinking this through I immediately knew that I related happiness to attention and affection from others. In my head that's what love is, I crave attention and get easily jealous, and without it (as you have come to see from reading my blog) I get low and unhappy.

Crazy, but makes so much sense.

So what do I do to change that?

I've been working on the whole "God is Love" thing for a long time, and trying to rely on His love alone and I've been failing (obviously) so I'm going to start loving others first and foremost instead of craving their love for me and not really caring about reciprocating.

Here goes!

Much love and actually meaning it- Amy

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Can anybody find me?

I cry out love keep your arms around me, I am the bird that's in need of grounding.

So two of my pals are getting married this Saturday and boy oh boy am I excited! It'll be a This Is Good moment for the record books. Mostly I'm stoked to see them gussied up and looking their best for the groom in particular wears crocs on a daily basis and seeing him in a tux and dress shoes will be monumental for us all.

But the thing is as these two are about to swan dive in to marital bliss I am left feeling ucky and grey like the horizon as it leaves me to wonder about my own endeavors in love, or in the words of Greg Sczebel "love and the lack thereof."

I'm still caught up on the Mister of days past (the one who I am supposedly over.) I am left wondering about him and his life and continually getting jealous of those who get to spend time with him, but alas this too shall pass and fizzle out like all the others have.

Therefore I am left to ponder about the man who I am waiting for, and only one question remains, where he at? I know I sound over dramatic and whiny to say I've been waiting for forever, but frankly I have. I've been waiting my whole life, and although my life is barely two decades long it's still my whole life!

A good friend and mentor of ours Duncan Penn from "Buried Life" fame posted this status today which made my heart tingle, it stated : "Right now someone you haven't met is out there wondering what it would be like to meet someone like you."

Isn't that a reaffirming thought! ? Anyways it's something I needed to hear (read) today and it definitely helped (a little.)

Much love and wallowing in self pity- Amy

Monday, September 26, 2011

Here I lay in awe and wonder...

I am afraid for no one's ever sacrificed or loved me this way...

Wow. Yesterday was a powerful day to say the least.

I moved churches about four months ago and have been blessed to attend a place where I have a copious amount of friends, and although our numbers aren't massive, our preachers aren't as gifted as others I have heard before, we are blessed in innumerable ways.

I had the privilege of leading worship yesterday and it warmed my heart. I hadn't realized how much I had missed it and although I was super nervy and wanted to retch God worked through me and helped me to reach the congregation.

After church I went to work and on the car ride home after my shift my Mom opened up and shared some information. She said how proud she was of me and my love for the Lord and how touched she was when she was watching me praise Him that morning. She also shared how heartbroken and confused she was that I could end up loving God with all my heart whereas my sister, who was brought up the same way, could end up despising Him so. It was really overwhelming and me being me couldn't deal with the emotions of the situation and I just sat in silence.

Sometimes I think that silence is the only option.

Much love and momentous occasions-- Amy

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Fall is here, hear me yell...

So it's official, it's Fall, and I love it! Although as I am wearing a sweater and flip flops I am slightly confused as it's still really warm out! So as it is fall there are leaves changing, pumpkins are appearing and, NEW FALL FASHION! and, of course, new TV shows to watch!

My two new favourite shows are "New Girl" with one of my favourite girls ever Zooey Deschanel. I simply adore her and I was thoroughly impressed by the pilot episode. Her little song that she sings "It's Jess!" made my life and the douchebag jar was also classic, needless to say I laughed continuously.

The other show is "Broke Girls" with the one and only Kat Dennings, whom I also love. The pilot opened with her in the diner reaming out some hipster dudes that "wear knitted caps because of Coldplay" although she wears them because "it's actually cold." I must give a honourable mention to her co-stars who also keep the punchlines rolling, and not to forget her sleazebag boyfriend who gets eight minutes with Kat's character Max "one for every ab." He's rather attractive :)

Also I feel the need to give a shout out to the return of Glee, it was rad seeing Lindsay from the Glee Project on there, made me super stoked for seeing the rest of them. I must say I was slightly bored by the episode, but things are looking up!

All in all I'm really excited for this upcoming season, I always find Fall a time for new beginnings, and a time for change. So here we go!

Much love and "Fallen leaves, fallen leaves on the ground" (billy talent anyone?)

p.s. Here's my girl Zooey doing what she does, peace!

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

I can't help falling in love with you...

Well folks, it's been a while, and frankly there isn't too much newsworthy stories to report, but in the same right, so much has happened.

A this is good moment happened just over a week ago, all of us girls went to WildPlay adventure for M's bachelorette extravaganza. Me, being the biggest worry wart ever was seriously nervy about climbing around and doing zip lines up in the air but I am so proud of myself! I finished the whole course and only had one little melt down, and the zip lines were so much fun! My new favourite mode of transportation, I am definitely going again. We finished the night by ingesting way too many carbs and playing silly games as we got to know each other better (a little too well actually!)

Other than that school has been going really well, work is looking up, and I've fallen in and out of love with someone in a matter of weeks.

Not even a month yet has passed and I've finally removed the scales from my eyes, shaken my head at myself in disgust and have moved on. Well I am in the process of moving on, I have alot of love for this guy so it's hard to suddenly cut that off when you still want to be friends with them.

But as I sat beside him waiting for some magical moment to happen I stopped and asked myself, what are you doing?

As we all know I've got some serious daddy issues and therefore am a crush-a-holic. I think I used the term instacrush in the moment, but seriously, it's like as soon as someone slightly attractive shows any interest in me, laughs at my joke, or actually makes eye contact during conversation I am in love. I get all twitterpatted and giddy and cannot control myself, it's rather disturbing and to all my friends who have to live with the bipolarism of my libido I apologize.

So as of now I am making a promise to myself, I am going to guard my heart for "it is the wellspring of life" and therefore it needs to be protected. When the next certain someone saunters on by, looks me in the eye and asks to hangout I am going to cautiously approach the situation, grab my heart by it's reigns and only let it out when the time is right. For it is starting to get rather tiresome making mountains out of mole hills.

On another super rad note, Cass, Dyl and I embarked on an adventure to Adore on Sunday and man was I loving it. We met up with our pal Amy (crazy I know) and although the three of them were rather exhausted I had a great time. We saw tons of people from camp and a few key things from the sermon really hit home with me.

I cried, as always and therefore we know that it was good!

I have many tea parties planned for the rest of the week which should involve some grand conversations and I'm getting my tattoo touched up tomorrow!

Anywho, I hope all is well with you guys!

Much love and a fresh start(again) -- Amy

Friday, September 9, 2011

Snail mail...

So I am infatuated with something and that something is getting mail, I don't care if it is only my union updates or a flyer from the Christian Book Store (actually I love those cause they usually come with coupons) but when I get a letter, I am full of glee. Therefore I would like to write you a letter, message me your address either in a comment on here or via my email
or my facebook account and I promise, you will receive.
Much love and the written word- Amy

Thursday, September 8, 2011

You were my best friend...

Okay so they posted Imadene photos last night I guess and after perusing them I cannot get over this one as it is the eptiome of 'This is good." Let me fill you in:

At camp they always have a talent night/ chill night where campers can share their "talents" with the rest of the camp, some people sing, some people do silly dances, we, well we did a skit. We were Wayne's World.

We took the framework of this skit from our dear friend Mary, basically Wayne had acquired a candy shop and after a few questions pertaining to our knowledge from the movie such as asking if there was Jelly donuts and red rope licorice for the MerthMobile Garth then asked if there were any lollipops in the store, looking around Wayne could not find any, although there were three suckers over there!

Now you may be wondering how this punchline works, well, we picked three lovely boys from the audience and positioned them in to some abfab poses and let them stand in silence while we developed the scene. Thinking they were going to be involved somehow they were left embarassed as we simply used them as comic relief. It was BRILLIANT.

Here is that photo ------------------>
Man I love my life

Much love and jelly donuts- Amy

Monday, September 5, 2011


I had a weird epiphany this morning that needs to be written out, just go with it.

On my box of Oatmeal Crisp I was given the opportunity to get a free beach towel! Score right? Wrong, as I went to the website it told me that I was no longer entitled to this beach towel for they had ran out of supplies. Bogus!

Now I know that this was a free gift and therefore losing out on it really doesn't mean much for it wasn't mine in the first place, but what kind of person says you can have something free, no strings attached, and then just changes their mind.

What if God did that? What if the free gift of His love was suddenly taken away from us because he simply ran out. He simply grew tired of loving us with no reciprocation and decided enough was enough, we are cut off.

That thought just made me want to puke, my stomach is legit in knots right now.

Praise the Lord that He is good and will never ever cease to love us!!!

There is so much comfort in that.

Anyhow, I am going out in to this gorgeous day loving others as Jesus instructed us to do, care to join me?

Much love that never ceases.


Sunday, September 4, 2011

Your love will never fail...

Faith as small as a mustard seed can move mountains....


Looking back on the week I just experienced I am left utterly speechless.

I was blessed with a group of 12 girls that impacted me in ways I did not expect. I went into that week anticipating having to be a witness for God, to be perfect in my christian ways, and to have to uphold this level of righteousness, but, in the end, these girls were a witness to me and encouraged me to grow deeper in my relationship with Christ. As I went in to leading them closer, they in turn, ended up leading the way.

As I was drawn closer to the Lord, being brought to tears in almost every chapel, I came to the realization that enough was enough, that the Lord's love is enough for me, that it will always satisfy, that I need to stop searching for love from others and cling to Him.

This was really hard for as always there was a guy there that I really connected with, and with having him show interest not only for me, but for others I was jealous, and I was hurt when things didn't go my way. But nevertheless God prevailed.

One of the most impacting moments for me was on Tuesday night when Evan our speaker said that we could stick around after chapel and pray if the spirit moved us. Being leaders Cassia and I had to hangout to see if any of our girls were there, as we moved around the room we were brought to our friend who's brother had abandoned his relationship with Christ and was at this camp, (determined to be kicked out) and was bawling in the center of the room surrounded by his cabin mates. As us three girls prayed for him and for our families, Cass and I joined this group of men and just surrounded him with our love and prayers, he was so overwhelmed with the presence of the Lord he just collapsed and wept as Christ sought him out and brought him back into his love. This young man took a total 180 and by outdoor chapel testimony time he was completely changed and impacted every life he touched.

It was beautiful.

The next night, four of our eldest girls and us leaders joined together in a circle of prayer, praising God for everything he was doing, there were no petty requests or wishes asking to be granted just simple praise to our Father. We went on for 45 minutes or so and with tears of joy in our eyes we embraced for words were just not enough to convey how thankful we truly were and are for the how He was moving.

I really opened up this week as God brought so many people in to my life who truly and sincerely loved me with open arms, I'm so jazzed to see all the good that he is going to do through us as we continue to be "weird" for Him and to strive for change.

I could go on and on here but my mind is not making cohesive thoughts right now.

Much love and potatoes- Amy