Tuesday, September 20, 2016

The art of coming home...

Hello friendly friends,

I have returned to my humble Rockridge Road abode (yes I meant for that to rhyme) just over 2 weeks ago and am feeling a little nostalgic for the days of old.  Even if camp life drove me mental from time to time; the easy mundane bubble was nice.  It was safe and warm and I didn't have to think about making food or doing laundry (thanks Debbie!)  Now I feel like I've been thrust forth into this vast expanse of adulthood once again and all I want is to crawl back into my rock-hard sleeping-bag-covered mattress of room 3-one-one and sleep until I'm awoken by Q-Rock at precisely 8 a.m. every morning.

But alas; that cannot be and it is time to move on.  Which is easier said that done.  I have been tirelessly looking for work and am feeling a little discouraged.  But light is on the horizon and I know the Lord knows what he's doing.

A song hit me really hard the other day and I kind of lost it (quelle surprise I know)  the lyrics to the bridge are: When I don’t know what steps to take When I don’t know what moves to make This one thing I can’t escape Your love When I don’t have the words to say When I can’t seem to find my way This one thing I can’t escape Your love

And ya know that it just so true.  Even though I currently feel like I have nothing to bring; that I don't know where I am going or what I am doing; the Lord's love has been so overwhelming.  In these hours of purposelessness the Lord is slowly working away at me; and my pride; and the need for status and mention; the need to achieve and be found worthy. He is teaching me that above all of these things HE is the one I should seek validation from; not those of the world; not even from myself. His love trumps all for he alone is worthy.

And that's pretty cool.

But in the same right I do need a job to survive; so I smartened up today; put on my big girl pants (and heels) and handed out resumes. And you know what? It really wasn't all that bad.  I keep thinking I can hide behind my computer screen and apply to all these positions and something will just work out; but funnily enough I'm pretty charming and tend to connect with people quite well (I can hear you all laughing right now) so I made some good impressions and your prayers would be appreciated that something would prevail!

Anywho; life is life and ya never know what you're going to come across. And although I may dread job-hunting (as we all do) I wouldn't trade any of these short stinted experiences for anything.  I've learnt so much from my internships at Rockridge to this past summer at Camp Q and have grown in to a woman I'm rather fond of and I know the Lord would have worked it out anyways; but I don't think I'd quite be the same if I had stayed in my comfy cushy career.

So here we go again; being patient in the waiting; and yet again learning to graciously accept whatever the Lord brings my way; job or not; still waking up saying This is Good.


Saturday, July 30, 2016

We drink our coffee and pretend not to look at eachother...

Scratch another week off the roster for we are halfway there. (WHOA LIVING ON A PRAYER!)

But for reals; my mind is blown at how fast this summer is going by.  SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED; both at Camp Q and in my life at home that I legitimately have not processed any of it.  I feel a bit like I'm on auto pilot.

Surprise surprise I'm starting to find myself getting really attached to the darlings around me.  I'm really not looking forward to the day that is barreling towards us when we all have to bid adieu.  A few have already departed back to their homelands and my heart is so ill-prepared for the rest to go.

The Lord is constantly reminding me of his unending love; not only through people that constantly encourage and lift me up but also in the daily reminders that I am doing the same.  I'm blown away by how many people confide in me on a daily basis.  It's the hugest compliment to know that A) they come to me for advice and B) they actually take it and put it into practice.

My heart has been strongly yearning to council lately and thus I've come to the realization that the Lord has given me the ability to council my peers around me.  He's made me someone who they can come to and lean on for support; for guidance; and sometimes even just a giggle or two. I'm honored to say the least.

It's always refreshing to look back and wonder how the h-e-double hockey sticks I ended up here.  I've grown in so many ways over these past few years; just looking back on this blog is proof of that. It's so reaffirming of the realness of God; and; even though this adventure hasn't been what it initially seemed; I can't help but think; even now; This is Good.

“We seek God so earnestly... not to find Him but to discover ourselves.”

James A. Michener

Friday, July 15, 2016

I wasn't looking for this; but now it's in my way...

Well we are officially done our second week of camp and what a whirlwind it has been.  I'm not going to lie that it doesn't exaclty feel like camp for me.  Maybe it's that I'm in the office and not fully connecting with the kids in a typical camp fashion.  But I'm enjoying myself for the most part nonetheless.

My goal this summer is to connect with one camper a week on some sort of extra special level.  So far I'm succeeding.

During junior high one; I was on stage singing in Q-Town and there was this girl right up front.  She was wearing a t-shirt that said "Ya'll need Jesus" and I was like I NEED TO KNOW THIS CHILD!
She was dancing away and singing her heart out and it was just so lovely.  I sneakily asked her cabin counsellor what her name was and decided to write her a letter for mail time the next day.  I just wrote how much she encouraged me with her free worship and her bright smile.  She then found me later in the week and said how much my note meant to her and I reiterated how much her love for Jesus encouraged me. It was a special moment.

This past week was junior high two and I must admit I was exhausted.  Last night was fireside and as I sat listening to the children share their stories of what the Lord had been doing in their lives my attention was drawn to a boy sitting by himself over on the deck.  I thought nothing of it but kept feeling this stirring within me to go sit beside him. So I did.  I simply said hey bud and said to him that he looked kind of lonely could I perhaps sit beside him? He said yes and then started to explain that it was because he didn't want to sit with everyone else on the benches.  He said it was because listening to everyone share their stories made him cry because of how hard they all have it. I giggled to myself because if you know me at all my heart just gets so overwhelmed during times like those that I just start to cry.  I myself am perfectly alright; I just feel the weight of everyone else's hurt that I can't help but release it through my eyeballs.  I told him that my normal reaction was the same as his and that he shouldn't be ashamed that the Lord gave him such a compassionate heart.  I had to leave it at that because I had to finish a quick job but that small encounter made my evening.

Trusting the Lord's pressings on my heart paid off; not only for that boy; but for me as well.

I knew that the Lord would be teaching me many things this summer; but I figured they would be the same old things I always need to re-learn.  It's been enlightening to see how far I've come and to see that there are far more things out there to discover yet.

 It's funny how the lessons that we think we need to learn we end up teaching someone else.

It's funny how the love we think we need is the love we need to give someone else.

It's funny how the things we think are funny aren't really funny at all.

And maybe that's okay.

And maybe I don't know.

All in all; this is good -- xx-A


Wednesday, May 25, 2016

Here I go again (not) on my own....

Well hello there Blogosphere!

It's been what; almost 2 years? Man oh man do we have a heap to catch up on.

The hair is short again; the tattoo count has climbed to 9 and I, Amy Pickard, am working at Camp Qwanoes. *Insert record scratch/skip noise here* Hold the phone! I know what you're thinking; TRAITOR! But nothing you can come up with I haven't already thought myself.  Needless to say; I'm here. And I have no clue why. Okay maybe I have a slight clue; but you get where I'm going here.

To catch you up on a few things; back in May 2015, I was working away at DunVMC as a MOA; living life; being me; yadda yadda. Meg and I attended a Bethel concert and I felt compelled to apply for Bethel spiritual ministry school. So  I did. And lo and behold; I actually got in. To top that; I got accepted for the worship stream too. So that was pretty major.

Contrary to me; the Lord had other plans; and as many of you know, I didn't go. But, I did end up going back to Rockridge Canyon and interning there for the Fall season yet again.

 IT WAS PHENOMENAL! I ended up rebuilding relationships with one of my closest dearest friends and making some others that will last a lifetime.  Although Bethel was "good" it was not "God" and the Lord had an amazing plan for me back in lil ol Princeton and I wouldn't have had it any other way.

I came home from camp anticipating returning in January; but the Lord's plans again prevailed over my own and I ended up staying in Duncan.  I passed the last 4 months working at a local coffee shop becoming a stinkin abfab barista (for reals I got mad skills) and that catches you up a wee bit on the current sitch.

So; one tuesday night at bible study,  I mentioned that maybe I would want to be in camp ministry this summer. That was it; nothing more. The next day my homie (we're homies cause we share a home) was speaking with staffing at Qwanoes because she is working here as a nurse for a good chunk of the summer and they had inquired with her if she knew anyone who would be interested in coming here in some capacity; my name was dropped and that's when the ball started rolling. SEVERELY QUICKLY.

I was called literally minutes after this exchange with no knowledge of the previous conversation.  It was brought up that I should apply for the Head Counsellor position; and after some deep thought and wise inputs from peers I did it.

The thing was; I needed to be prepared to be at camp for the end of the month if I got the position. 2 weeks away. So; in faith; I quit my job. I figured if the Lord wanted me at camp; I'd get it; and if not; maybe it was the kick in the arse to get me moving on to the next stage of life He had in store.

I got notified that although I would not be the head counsellor; they would love to have me in any capacity possible. So now I'm here. In the office. And totally confused as to what the outcome of this summer is going to be.

I've been here 15 days and it has not been easy; I will admit.

The people are fantastic; but I am struggling immensely in what the good Lord is doing.

A good friend reminded me tonight to persevere; to keep pressing in to what the Lord has for me. That it is being used for His glory and you know what? It's not always about me. Have I already forgotten that I asked the Lord for guidance in this and He gave me a clear answer? How quickly we forget His goodness when things get hard.

Thus the return to this blog. I used to use it as a crutch; to somehow justify that my life was worthy of being lived. We all know that I realized how bogus that was and made a delcaration (a tattoo worthy one at that) that from said point forward I would understand that all that comes before me is good and from above. But now I realize that this blog can be used for more than that.

I want to use it to relish in the fact that although I may be struggling; although I can't see beyond what's in front of me; I will still trust (yes I'm quoting Stefany and Amanda) that the Lord is in it all. That HE. IS. GOOD.

I want to use it to remind myself of His blessings; and to share in those with you. I find that we so often dwell on the bad and I don't want to be that person; so here's to striving to recognize all the amazing things He's doing and all that He will do.

Here's to recognizing; yet again; all the things that make me think: This is Good.

xx- A