Over the past few months I worked diligently as a servant in the kitchen at camp, enjoyed some amazing experiences with my best friend who returned home from an amazing trip, lost my other best friend to the same dang country (stupid Australia! :P ) and returned back to camp to cabin lead 24 amazing girls, along with a few other campers I took under my wing.
The first week of camp I was feeling really apathetic to everything. I am usually the most emotional person ever, I cry every chapel, I cry at every testimony, but this week, nothing. My heart was hard and it took a superbly overwhelming group of 13 fourteen year old girls to break it. Lives were changed in that cabin and I know that God was using me to do his work, but I still felt a little disappointed in myself.
It took until Wednesday for things to change. It was DTG (ditch the girls, ditch the guys) and we separated in to our separate genders. We were going to hear the speaker's wife's testimony, and boy did I hear it. This woman's story was spot on with mine. I lost it. In the middle of the chapel surrounded by campers that weren't mine, I was bawling. I thought, oh this is where her story will deter from mine, but she would start on about the next section of her life and again there it was, a story far too familiar.
I was blown away.
The amazing thing was the reoccurring subject of hope. By the end of her testimony I just kept thinking, I want that. I want my life to end up like that. And it can, and if the Lord wills it, it will.
The last night of camp me and my co-cabin leader went up to the speaker after chapel to just chat with him. I was holding back tears and he just looked at me and said, Can I pray for you? I feel like there is something going on here that needs to be prayed about. So we prayed. Without saying anything he knew the cries of my heart. And the most amazing thing happened, his wife had mentioned that people used to bother her about how much she cried and so she thought being emotional was a horrible thing, but when she met John, our speaker, he told her that the reason she cried all the time was because her heart simply felt too much and that was just a way of relieving the pressure. While we were praying he said those exact words, verbatim, to me. I couldn't help but laugh, I felt like I was being molded back into the person God truly wants me to be.
It was a long week and it had been really hard, I had been challenged with a really trying cabin and was working on finding myself in God's image. Needless to say going in to the second week I was exhausted. I had no voice, my body hurt, I was frustrated, and most of all, I knew this week was going to be hard because certain people were coming to camp that I didn't really want to see.
Camp starts Sunday and Monday night chapel I lost it. God reminded me of all that he had planned for me and that he wasn't finished with me yet. We were supposed to go the glow party afterwards but because of the heaviness of the sermon they were allowing us to stay back and pray and chat with our campers if need be. None of my campers stayed back but a good friend from home asked me if I wanted to come talk with him. We were both total wrecks, tear streaked cheeks, wailing away as we walked out to the field. We stood there embracing one another and prayed for one another, thanking God that we had found each other and for all that he has done in our lives and the changes we have experienced throughout the 4 years we have been friends.
The main thing I wanted to tell you guys was that even though we may fall, and even if we don't follow the path that God originally sets before us, he won't stop until we get to that final destination. We will be brought back around to those same set of decisions until we make the right one.
A verse that appeared to me a few days back is this one from Jeremiah 18. The Lord has asked Jeremiah to go down to the potter's shop where he will receive word from the Lord. This is what the bible says in verse 3 and 4:
"So I did as he told me and found the potter working at his wheel.
But the jar he was making did not turn out as he had hoped, so
he crushed it into a lump of clay again and started over."
Note in verse 4 how it says "it had not turned out as he had hoped, so he crushed it.... and started over." In verse 6 it says that "as the clay is in the potter's hand, so are you in my hand." The Lord is the potter and we are the clay, and if we don't turn out the way God wants, we need to be crushed, so he can start anew within us. We get put through trials, and get brought down to our lowest points so that we realize how much we need God in our lives. He created us and he yearns for us to fit in to that mold that he wants for us. His plan is perfect and will fulfill all our deepest desires, if we tune our ear to him, we will eventually find it.
That's just what the Lord has been laying on my heart as of late, I'm hoping as I attend the Adore Conference these things will become more clear to me as I still am unsure of what I am here for, but as a great speaker once said, keep on moving, you'll eventually get there.
Much love and softened clay-- Amy