Monday, June 27, 2011

The art of getting by...

A ship in harbour is safe, but that's not why ships are built.

The biggest lie ever told: I'm fine.

Well I'm not.

Pray for that.

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us a glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes no on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary. but what is unseen is eternal" 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Friday, June 24, 2011

Not all those who wander are lost...

With all the "big" decisions I've made in this past little while I am now starting to doubt them. I'm excited to start school, to dive in to something new but when I think about it it's really not what I want to be doing with my life. I felt pressured by those around me to make a decision, finally move forward from the place that I am in, to simply grow up but I am now regretting it.

I just hate how society looks at you when you say you're really not doing anything with your life. I hate the expectation that once you graduate you have to know exactly where you want to be, to have a 5 year plan. Not all of us have it worked out yet, not all of us can afford to take a chance, go to a school and take a bunch of random courses until we finally figure it out. I hate the look I get when I say, "I'm just enjoying life without restrictions." I feel trapped without an inkling of an idea of where to go.

In the book of James it says "If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God who gives generously to all without finding fault and it will be given to him. But when he asks he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind." Ch. 1: 5-6

I've asked God what my choices should be many a time and frankly I still have no idea what the answer is but I do know that whatever I do in this upcoming year, I am not doing it alone, for "The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged." Deuteronomy 31:8

I just wish I could have the faith and frankly the balls to do what I really want to. To strive for those dreams that seem completely unattainable, to just take a chance. But the world teaches us to be smart in our choices, not to live beyond our means, to think logically and I tend to think that way too. If I pick up and move to San Francisco or L.A to try and find a job writing for a magazine sure God can intervene and make it work out just as I would like, but what if He doesn't? What if that's not the plan set before me and I end up completely screwed over? Fear and doubt my friends, fear and doubt.

But for now I'm going to take the advice in Matthew 6:34 "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of it's own"

Much love and crooked paths- Amy

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Beach babes and surfing waves...

Yesterday was a chill day brews. Cass and I and her old bud Alex (my new acquaintance) made our way to Parksville for a little sun and sand. It was a super lax day soaking in some rays, tossing some frisb and reading our books while sand crept into every nook and cranny.

We were bombarded by the vision of younger teenagers being extremely ridiculous, two girls were whippin their hair back and forth while booty dropping it while a group of guys were slowly killing my braincells with their moronic conversation. Cassia actually yelled a 'HEY!' when one of them said something distasteful, it was hilarious. Couples ran up and down the beach to the slow motion music playing in their ears while a windsurfer slowly made his way along the horizon. It was a visually stimulating day to say the least.

Many a joke was made as we simply enjoyed the day, I even made it back on time for work.

Here's a beachy tune to keep those heat waves coming.

Much love and tan lines- Amy

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

But the night is so young...

Okay so last night was Ultimate Frisbee night and man was it a gooder. We had some new faces out and they were all really good and in to it which is always a bonus, downside was they had to leave early leaving us with six people. 3 on 3 Frisbee on a full field is extremely exhausting and we had ourselves a pretty legit battle. Moving on to soccer we had lots of laughs and an epic workout, running yourself so ragged that you don't think you can move another step and then pushing for that last sprint is the best feeling. I love working your body and being surprised by all it can do. The games ended with me getting pwned in some wrestling but all in all it was rather hilarious and exhilirating.

As I was driving home this guy Rob and I started talking as his sister is interested in a bible study, with their family being from Chemainus I assumed I knew them as Pickard's are extremely well known there and turns out I did. I worked with his parents and his eldest sister at camp this summer, actually Sara and I were in the bead tent together and were it not for one another we wouldn't have made it through the week. Kind of a super crazy God moment for both of us, we chit chatted about the fam and relished in the fact that "This is Good."

Much love and crazy connections- Amy

Monday, June 20, 2011

I'll look after you.

Won't you take my cane and hold my hand you're holding on to all I have....

I love old people, most of the time. Working the morning shift is always a blast because I get to see my regulars. The elderly people that come shopping every day, they race with their walkers and canes to the discount bin, banging elbows and gnashing dentures to see what they can find. There is one lady who has been doing this since the store opened, you mention her name and everyone instantly knows who you mean. She is well known in our little town as well for being rather frugal and a huge laugh.

Anyways it was the Cow High grad ceremony this past weekend and her grandson was graduating, seeing me she yelled hello, waved her hands wildly and pulled me over so we could get a photo together. I have never had a conversation with this poor boy in my life. His locker was just down the way from mine in high school but being two years older I never shared a class or a sentence with him thus the most awkward experience for both of us. Knowing how his grandma is he completely understood, throwing his arm around me he yelled "This one's a keeper Gran!" We plastered on our cheesiest smiles let out a giggle and bid each other adieu and that was that.

Here is a little video helping show that old people are always full of surprises

Much love and rub A535- Amy

Sunday, June 19, 2011

The wait will be worth it...

"there is a loneliness in this world so great
that you can see it in the slow movement of
the hands of a clock.

people so tired
either by love or no love.

people just are not good to each other
one on one.

the rich are not good to the rich
the poor are not good to the poor.

we are afraid.

our educational system tells us
that we can all be
big-ass winners.

it hasn't told us
about the gutters
or the suicides.

or the terror of one person
aching in one place

unspoken to

watering a plant."
— Charles Bukowski (Love is a Dog From Hell: Poems, 1974-1977)

And you said that it's just another day...

Today is an odd day. I haven't spoken to my Dad in quite a while and whenever I do this feeling of anger rumbles in my stomach and I'm at the point where I just don't care anymore. He's picking me up from work on Wednesday and frankly I'd rather just walk home.
Tell me something:
is that as pathetic as it feels?

Thursday, June 16, 2011

A different kind of haunting...

If you have the chance to interact with me on a regular basis you will note one thing, I am rather ridiculous. I do stupid things, crack immature jokes, and sing songs in the middle of the grocery store just for kicks. I'm a goof. But from time to time I put that away, pull out my "English literature" voice and become rather wise, stern, and serious. Sure Casper was fun but it's time to move on.

Just like in 1 Corinthians 13: 11 "When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things"

This is one of those times.

As I was stumbling on the Internet just now, mindlessly clicking the next button I came across something rather moving. It was one of those moments when you body stops itself and this sense of awe and calm takes over and you are unable to move. This is why:

This photo stopped me in my tracks. It is from a KKK riot in the 1980's, a group of African American police officers are put on patrol to monitor the very people that hate them. A young boy walks over to the police shield in wonder, in blissful ignorance of the fact that these are the people that he and his family are gathering against. It's touching in a eerie way. There's hope that in the future this child will think back on this moment remembering that this officer was nice to him, shared a cherish moment with him and thus he may just change his ways.

Much love and second chances- Amy

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Let's talk about love, let's laugh about life...

Now I know this may come as a shocker to some of you but I love me a good romantic movie. The one with the girl and the boy from two completely different worlds that somehow collide to make their lives complete. Movies such at Casablanca, Cinderella, and Casper. That's right folks: Casper.

When I was a child I loved this movie for it was funny, and spooky, and when Devon Sawa walked across that room and took Christina Ricci by the hand my heart melted instantly.
Now to swoon over a ghost is kind of a strange thing but something about him is rather adorable.

Cinderella had her glass slipper and Casablanca had it's gin joints but Casper has the line that makes me weak. Four simple words, "Can I keep you?"

Anyways just a little insight into the mind of me.

Much love and simple lines- Amy

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Get my things together and find something to say...

Location, Location, Location

I could have kissed you
under cherry blossoms,
pale petals drifting down
like the trees wanted to
pretend they could be

I could have kissed you
in the rain, drenched to
our bones and not even
caring that the skies
opened up above us
and tried to wash us out.

I could have kissed you
in a clearing in the most
secluded woods, with
just the sound of wind
rustling through the leaves
and a few voyeuristic
finches peeping at us.

Instead, I kissed you
in the parking lot of a
Waffle House, just shy
of 2 a.m. in the middle
of a hectic week, with
our waitress grinning
at us from the other
side of the window,
because, honestly,
how could I not?

-Gabriel Gadfly

Escape can't be the only way to escape...

I find that in my life I make that left turn too often, always searching for an out, making situations into something completely different. Well it's time to face reality, grab on to life for everything it is for frankly it's not as bad as it always seems to be. I'm slowly learning how to accept that. Although I could think of a more becoming life for myself I have to take what I've been given and find the beauty within it, no longer brooding over things in the corner.

Much love and epiphanies- Amy

I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I ended up where I needed to be - Douglas Adams

Monday, June 13, 2011

Without music life would be a mistake- Nietzsche

Updated the "Easy Listening" section with some new tunes. Give them a listen and feel free to share your favourites with me.

Much love and harmonies- Amy

Baby, you are a surprise...

Will you read into me to hear the things I never say?

So there's this guy and somehow he just knows how to creep in and make me smile exactly when I need him to. It's the most random friendship but it feels like it's been going on for years. It just works.

It happened again this morning, I was starting to slump down into that dark, murky spot in my mind where nothing seems to go my way when I came across his newest blog post. The way that he writes and the subject matter that he is passionate about irks me to my core (in a good way) it's like this little thing in the back of my mind that I just can't get rid of, this weird loop-de-looping feeling in my stomach. I can't help but think "This is Good."

This mornings post brought word of a new song he had come across, coincidentally, I too had just heard about this song from a girl that I exchange tunes with and I couldn't help but laugh. As I continued through the post I came across a pleasant sight. He had decided to post a link to my blog, nevertheless I have successfully pulled myself out of the muck and mire with a little help from my friend.

And I know that he will read this and therefore I say, Thank you. Also because I know he will read this post, it would not be complete without some "westcoast" music.

Much love and happy moments- Amy

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Are you my mother?

Do you ever have that feeling that maybe, just maybe, you were adopted? Switched at birth? Sent down the river in a wicker basket by your real parents?

Well I have to admit at certain points I wished that this was the case but if you have ever seen my mother you can't help but see that we share the same genes.

But as I am growing up and yearning for more independence it's seems her rules and regulations are starting to tighten around me and it's suffocating me. For the majority of my day I am home alone and she is at work and then when she is home I am either at work or out with friends thus the majority of our communication is through sticky notes left on the kitchen counter. Not the best way to have a relationship with someone.

Anyways I just needed to vent a wee little bit.

Much love and overprotecting- Amy

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Something I stumbled upon...

Touch me by A Thomas Hawkins

Touch me,
it doesn't matter where
and it doesnt matter how
I need to know I'm still alive
so someone touch me now
Shake my hand and say hello
or pat me on the back
kiss me on the cheek
that I may feel this sense I lack
slap my face and pull my hair
make me bleed I just don't care
dig your nails into my skin
so I can feed this need within
I've been numb for such a time
that even pain would be sublime
so touch me, touch me now
I don't care where, I don't care how

starting up a brand new day

But for now we are young let us lay in the sun and count every beautiful thing we can see...

It's a beautiful day, go out there and enjoy it, live it up and drink it in. Don't let it pass you by.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Answer: You don't know?!

Last night I had the pleasure of visiting an old friend, quite a few old friends actually as I attended YoungLife's Hipster themed club. For those of you who don't know YoungLife is a christian based high school youth program that meets weekly to sing songs, play ridiculous games, and build relationships with kids while introducing them to Jesus in a non-threatening way.

James (the fearless leader) kindly invited the alumni back to join in the festivities as we all dug out our non-prescription Buddy Holly glasses and our wolf tees to listen to some band that you won't know about til next year, all in all it was rather obnoxious but alot of fun.

I got chosen for the game as the requirement for the volunteers was to be a quote "Music lover." As this was rather fitting I climbed up to the front of the room to partake in Hipster Music trivia. They would play the first 30 seconds of a song and you had to buzz in stating the Artist and Song for two points. I won by a landslide although I made the mistake of thinking "body in a box" by City and Colour was "Wagonwheel" by Old Crow Medicine Show, but lemme tell you if you listen to the first bit they sound the same! Forgive me! I would never have forgiven myself if I didn't get Aidan Knight's "Jasper" or Dan Mangan's "Robots" but I did (of course).

Even though the club events ended on a high falsetto note as we sang "Wonderwall" I couldn't help feeling like the odd man out. YoungLife was a huge part of my life when I was in grade 12 and I was super bummed when it came to an end for me but as the years past I kind of got over it. Seeing all the students so caught up in it all I couldn't help feeling like I was on the outside looking in, completely set apart.

Relationships with old friends were sparked up again and I'm hoping something comes from it but as for YoungLife I think that ship has sailed.

Much love and cut-off shorts

Monday, June 6, 2011

One false step and you might not make it home...

If you remember where you come from you will always know where you're going...

Mom and I sought out on a little excursion yesterday, our goal: to reach the cross on Mt. Tzouhalem. My mother had never done this hike before so it was completely in my hands. I have scaled this trek quite a few times thus rationalizing that I knew the way. Well apparently I don't.

Things were going well, we were coming across all the familiar signs that nature had made for us, the little creek, the ditch that you have to jump over and so on and so forth. But as we wandered further into the forest I had an overwhelming feeling that I was lost. I came to a stop and my Mom asked what was wrong, admitting defeat we turned around and trekked back up the massive hill we had come down. After a while I discovered where I had gone wrong but by then we were too exhausted and decided we would try again another day.

All in all it was nice to get some fresh air and enjoy some laughs with my Mom, and I got the beginnings of a wicked tan!

Much love and mountaineering- Amy

Friday, June 3, 2011

Look inside my heart, and be amazed

Sometimes I really just don't wanna go to work. I want to lay in bed all day, sing random songs in my head (seriously I do this) and just be a vegetable. But I somehow manage to pull myself out of bed and get to work only to have a fantastic encounter with a stranger that changes my whole mindset about work, until the next time that is.

Yesterday was one of those days, arriving at work things turned out alright as I got to work an express til (best!) after a few hours of monotonous scanning a little girl and her mom came through my til the mom and I chatted while I made funny faces at the little girl. As they were about to leave the little girl pulled at her mom's hand and whispered something to her, the mom responded by saying "No you can tell the lady." I expected her to ask for a lollipop or something but as she climbed onto the counter she simply looked me in the eye and said, "You're beautiful." As tears welled up in my eyes I said "thanks sweetie, you are too!" and that was that.

Out of the mouths of babes hey? My heart was softened instantly and my whole demeanor changed as this girl broke me down by two little words.

Have a great day all, you're beautiful!

xoxo Amy

"... and a little child will lead them" -Isaiah 11:6 b

Wednesday, June 1, 2011