Not all those who wander are lost...

With all the "big" decisions I've made in this past little while I am now starting to doubt them. I'm excited to start school, to dive in to something new but when I think about it it's really not what I want to be doing with my life. I felt pressured by those around me to make a decision, finally move forward from the place that I am in, to simply grow up but I am now regretting it.

I just hate how society looks at you when you say you're really not doing anything with your life. I hate the expectation that once you graduate you have to know exactly where you want to be, to have a 5 year plan. Not all of us have it worked out yet, not all of us can afford to take a chance, go to a school and take a bunch of random courses until we finally figure it out. I hate the look I get when I say, "I'm just enjoying life without restrictions." I feel trapped without an inkling of an idea of where to go.

In the book of James it says "If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God who gives generously to all without finding fault and it will be given to him. But when he asks he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind." Ch. 1: 5-6

I've asked God what my choices should be many a time and frankly I still have no idea what the answer is but I do know that whatever I do in this upcoming year, I am not doing it alone, for "The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged." Deuteronomy 31:8

I just wish I could have the faith and frankly the balls to do what I really want to. To strive for those dreams that seem completely unattainable, to just take a chance. But the world teaches us to be smart in our choices, not to live beyond our means, to think logically and I tend to think that way too. If I pick up and move to San Francisco or L.A to try and find a job writing for a magazine sure God can intervene and make it work out just as I would like, but what if He doesn't? What if that's not the plan set before me and I end up completely screwed over? Fear and doubt my friends, fear and doubt.

But for now I'm going to take the advice in Matthew 6:34 "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of it's own"

Much love and crooked paths- Amy

Comments

  1. MaryJune 27, 2011 at 3:13 PM

    Hey there Amy, I am going through the same thing myself, infact today I had a melt down because I need to apply for classes in september but I dont want to go to school in september. Heres the thing though that we have to realize, we don't have all the answers and we never will. This is what I think and I could be wrong but I think it will help you figure out what you want to do: I think you need a change of senery and a well deserved holiday. The challenge of taking risks is what characterizes our faith and the trust we have in our Father. My boss told me "When you are your age Mary, you will always be poor. So suck it up!" We have the rest of our lives to go to school. You are young so have fun enjoy life go on adventure. This course might actually be a blessing and if God isn't putting any road blocks in your way then you should probably still do it. If its not what your supposed to do He will make sure you know that. Love you long time!

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