In the waiting; you're making melodies
It all started with a visit to the bathroom... and I didn't even have to go!
Okay; hi folks; I know that probably isn't what you expected for a start of my first little ditty in two years but it's what you get. Deal with it.
Just like how you all have been waiting for me to return to the blogosphere; I have been living in a season of waiting, and more waiting, followed by more waiting, some patience, and at long last, still waiting.
I arrived home from a trip to the Holy Land two weeks ago and life has been annoyingly not the same ever since. By the Holy Land; I mean Redding, California. A place like no other. A town where the presence of the Lord is so evident you can't help but feel like you've seen a glimpse of heaven.
Yes there is apparent hurt and homelessness and poverty; but it is beautifully contrasted by a group of people gathering to pray in coffee shops; people willingly stopping you on the street to give you a word from the Lord. It's dusted with Christian based businesses that make your heart sing (check out thecrowningjewels on instagram to get what I mean) and your spirit can't help but leap as it feels like it's coming home.
If you're a girl you know that waiting for the bathroom is an everyday occurrence. Either in your home; at the Mall; and even at Open Heavens 2018; you just have to wait. Something I'm getting very good at doing. Needless to say; after consuming our American sized fountain drinks; my darling gal pal had to go and I being the great friend I am said I would wait for her outside.
Over the week we had spent in Redding we experienced many services; lectures; and sessions where we had every opportunity to receive prayer; to seek out amazing gifted spiritual leaders and glean whatever we could from them. As we know I am not exactly the type to seek that sort of thing out. I love engaging with people; having shared experience with a large crowd is something I enjoy greatly; but I am more inclined to let people come to me in those situations. Needless to say I did not line up to partake from the overflowing well that is Bethel's prayer team. I simply felt like I had nothing to bring to them (HA!) but that did not stop them from seeking me out.
From our first Sunday service where we were graced by beautiful women of God who interceded and picked up on things in instances; to our group being prayed for and prophesied over at Twin View by a student cohort and almost every word being undeniably for me. No matter how much I thought I didn't "need" it; I could not deny how much I had been yearning for these words; for the assurance of giftings; for the restoration of joy and the simple answer that you're going to be okay.
I picked up a devotional study book at the Goodwill in Redding on Waiting and it has been helping me understand some truths in this season that I would love to share with you.
"There are so many things we humans wait for. Daily things... and more complex waiting seasons weave throughout out lives as well. Reality is these things may or may not come. The only certain thing we can wait for and expect is this: for God to lead and to guide us."
"In the Wait" reminds us that God speaks and guides his children in different ways. From Moses and the burning bush; to Balaam and a donkey; to Samuel and a still small voice calling out his name; we cannot expect to hear the Lord the same way our friends and family do. He reveals himself to us in a way so personal that we sometimes can't explain it. Hold fast to the knowledge that as we call out to Him he calls our name in return. Just like when you greet your spouse or friend they don't ignore you; they reply back "Hello Amy!" sometimes we may not hear it; but He is always near. As we learn what the Lord's voice sounds like in our lives it's important for us to have an Eli to our Samuel. They may be able to point out that God is speaking to us, because maybe we haven't learnt what his voice sounds like in our lives just yet.
Apparently mine sounds like three women outside a public washroom. I didn't forget to tell you about it don't worry.
So as I waited for my dear friend; I leaned against the wall all casual and cool; awkwardly smiling as I caught the eyes of passersby like the good Canadian I am.
"Hi. Hello. Hi"
"Uhm Hi; I knew it wouldn't be right if I didn't stop to tell you this so here it is..."
Oh dear goodness. Okay Papa God; what are you bringing me; are you sending me to Africa? Uzbekistan ? What is it?
But alas; it was a beautiful word affirming who the Lord created me to be and why; that He has positioned me where I am as a person of influence; a connector of his people; someone who sees what others can't in themselves. To not shy away or deny the fact that I stand out; it's to draw people in; to inspire curiosity; to question what it is I have that they don't.
And then it was over. We hugged; she moved along to her duties and I continued to wait.
How long does it take to pee? Honestly.
And then she appeared. The most adorable tiny woman with fire in her eyes and she was beelining right for me. She complimented my tattoo and started to walk away; she came back and reiterated yet again how lovely it was and how lovely I was; she grabbed my hands and told me how the Lord delights in me. He wants to restore joy over me. Not in a loud always happy always laughing sort of way; but in the small giggle you share with the silence when you remember a fond memory or a joke someone told you the day before. He laughs when I'm laughing and smiles when I grin. Hold on to those small moments she says for the days will come when there may be nothing to smile about; nothing to laugh over; but take a step back and know that joy and happiness are not synonyms they are separate entities and the joy of the Lord will continue to rule in your life if you choose to let it.
We embraced one last time; tears streaming down my face. I thanked her for the gift that she had given me and we parted.
Okay Kim. I would really like to sit down now before I get told that I'm destined for singleness in a remote arctic country.
"Hi"
It was barely there but I heard it. I looked up to lock eyes with a woman my mothers age.
"You're truly beautiful and the Lord has great things for you in his timing. "
And she disappeared in to the crowd of people as quickly as she appeared.
I left my post by the water fountain and made my way to our seats. Kim could find her own way back.
As I arrived at our section; not only is Kim sitting waiting for me; but she didn't even go to that bathroom!
We christened Jesus as "Jehovah Sneaky" this trip as He always has a way of fulfilling his will. No matter how many times we in our own mind choose to deter from it. I may not have been willing to go up and ask for a word; but he used his vessels here on earth to speak to me anyway.
I thank those people for being obedient to what the Lord instructed them to do.
From joining my friends when I didn't think I needed to; to waiting by a water fountain; the Lord sought me out. He said; "Amy you've been calling out to me; here I am if you'd just listen."
The reassurance that it's okay to feel the emotions I do; to hurt like I do for those around me. He gave me this heart and made it this way for a reason; to strengthen me; to make me a cornerstone. The promise of prodigal sisters one day returning home. The simple statement that he delights in me. These are things I so easily find I can tell others but don't always truly believe for myself.
What are you hearing but not listening to in your life?
What lies are you believing in this season of waiting?
Do you believe that the Lord will fulfill his promises in your life?
Are you earnestly seeking Him for the answers you desire?
Coming home has been hard. I had been given a slight picture of what my life may look like but I hadn't been given the map to get there. I'm in this position where I'm trying to use what I've been given in the place that I have been planted. Seeds that had been planted years ago are starting to spring up and his plan is coming in to alignment and I continually seek out his will. It's not always black and white like we hope it will be but that's the beauty in the growing; all the colours in between.
Thank you all for sharing in this journey with me; together we can continue to strive for more; to spur each other on in the day to day; and to continually seek what the Lord has for us.
If you're in a similar season of unrest; of waiting for the unknown; don't be a stranger. I would love to connect with you as we figure it all out together. One day at a time.
xx- A
Okay; hi folks; I know that probably isn't what you expected for a start of my first little ditty in two years but it's what you get. Deal with it.
Just like how you all have been waiting for me to return to the blogosphere; I have been living in a season of waiting, and more waiting, followed by more waiting, some patience, and at long last, still waiting.
I arrived home from a trip to the Holy Land two weeks ago and life has been annoyingly not the same ever since. By the Holy Land; I mean Redding, California. A place like no other. A town where the presence of the Lord is so evident you can't help but feel like you've seen a glimpse of heaven.
Yes there is apparent hurt and homelessness and poverty; but it is beautifully contrasted by a group of people gathering to pray in coffee shops; people willingly stopping you on the street to give you a word from the Lord. It's dusted with Christian based businesses that make your heart sing (check out thecrowningjewels on instagram to get what I mean) and your spirit can't help but leap as it feels like it's coming home.
If you're a girl you know that waiting for the bathroom is an everyday occurrence. Either in your home; at the Mall; and even at Open Heavens 2018; you just have to wait. Something I'm getting very good at doing. Needless to say; after consuming our American sized fountain drinks; my darling gal pal had to go and I being the great friend I am said I would wait for her outside.
Over the week we had spent in Redding we experienced many services; lectures; and sessions where we had every opportunity to receive prayer; to seek out amazing gifted spiritual leaders and glean whatever we could from them. As we know I am not exactly the type to seek that sort of thing out. I love engaging with people; having shared experience with a large crowd is something I enjoy greatly; but I am more inclined to let people come to me in those situations. Needless to say I did not line up to partake from the overflowing well that is Bethel's prayer team. I simply felt like I had nothing to bring to them (HA!) but that did not stop them from seeking me out.
From our first Sunday service where we were graced by beautiful women of God who interceded and picked up on things in instances; to our group being prayed for and prophesied over at Twin View by a student cohort and almost every word being undeniably for me. No matter how much I thought I didn't "need" it; I could not deny how much I had been yearning for these words; for the assurance of giftings; for the restoration of joy and the simple answer that you're going to be okay.
I picked up a devotional study book at the Goodwill in Redding on Waiting and it has been helping me understand some truths in this season that I would love to share with you.
"There are so many things we humans wait for. Daily things... and more complex waiting seasons weave throughout out lives as well. Reality is these things may or may not come. The only certain thing we can wait for and expect is this: for God to lead and to guide us."
"In the Wait" reminds us that God speaks and guides his children in different ways. From Moses and the burning bush; to Balaam and a donkey; to Samuel and a still small voice calling out his name; we cannot expect to hear the Lord the same way our friends and family do. He reveals himself to us in a way so personal that we sometimes can't explain it. Hold fast to the knowledge that as we call out to Him he calls our name in return. Just like when you greet your spouse or friend they don't ignore you; they reply back "Hello Amy!" sometimes we may not hear it; but He is always near. As we learn what the Lord's voice sounds like in our lives it's important for us to have an Eli to our Samuel. They may be able to point out that God is speaking to us, because maybe we haven't learnt what his voice sounds like in our lives just yet.
Apparently mine sounds like three women outside a public washroom. I didn't forget to tell you about it don't worry.
So as I waited for my dear friend; I leaned against the wall all casual and cool; awkwardly smiling as I caught the eyes of passersby like the good Canadian I am.
"Hi. Hello. Hi"
"Uhm Hi; I knew it wouldn't be right if I didn't stop to tell you this so here it is..."
Oh dear goodness. Okay Papa God; what are you bringing me; are you sending me to Africa? Uzbekistan ? What is it?
But alas; it was a beautiful word affirming who the Lord created me to be and why; that He has positioned me where I am as a person of influence; a connector of his people; someone who sees what others can't in themselves. To not shy away or deny the fact that I stand out; it's to draw people in; to inspire curiosity; to question what it is I have that they don't.
And then it was over. We hugged; she moved along to her duties and I continued to wait.
How long does it take to pee? Honestly.
And then she appeared. The most adorable tiny woman with fire in her eyes and she was beelining right for me. She complimented my tattoo and started to walk away; she came back and reiterated yet again how lovely it was and how lovely I was; she grabbed my hands and told me how the Lord delights in me. He wants to restore joy over me. Not in a loud always happy always laughing sort of way; but in the small giggle you share with the silence when you remember a fond memory or a joke someone told you the day before. He laughs when I'm laughing and smiles when I grin. Hold on to those small moments she says for the days will come when there may be nothing to smile about; nothing to laugh over; but take a step back and know that joy and happiness are not synonyms they are separate entities and the joy of the Lord will continue to rule in your life if you choose to let it.
We embraced one last time; tears streaming down my face. I thanked her for the gift that she had given me and we parted.
Okay Kim. I would really like to sit down now before I get told that I'm destined for singleness in a remote arctic country.
"Hi"
It was barely there but I heard it. I looked up to lock eyes with a woman my mothers age.
"You're truly beautiful and the Lord has great things for you in his timing. "
And she disappeared in to the crowd of people as quickly as she appeared.
I left my post by the water fountain and made my way to our seats. Kim could find her own way back.
As I arrived at our section; not only is Kim sitting waiting for me; but she didn't even go to that bathroom!
We christened Jesus as "Jehovah Sneaky" this trip as He always has a way of fulfilling his will. No matter how many times we in our own mind choose to deter from it. I may not have been willing to go up and ask for a word; but he used his vessels here on earth to speak to me anyway.
I thank those people for being obedient to what the Lord instructed them to do.
From joining my friends when I didn't think I needed to; to waiting by a water fountain; the Lord sought me out. He said; "Amy you've been calling out to me; here I am if you'd just listen."
The reassurance that it's okay to feel the emotions I do; to hurt like I do for those around me. He gave me this heart and made it this way for a reason; to strengthen me; to make me a cornerstone. The promise of prodigal sisters one day returning home. The simple statement that he delights in me. These are things I so easily find I can tell others but don't always truly believe for myself.
What are you hearing but not listening to in your life?
What lies are you believing in this season of waiting?
Do you believe that the Lord will fulfill his promises in your life?
Are you earnestly seeking Him for the answers you desire?
Coming home has been hard. I had been given a slight picture of what my life may look like but I hadn't been given the map to get there. I'm in this position where I'm trying to use what I've been given in the place that I have been planted. Seeds that had been planted years ago are starting to spring up and his plan is coming in to alignment and I continually seek out his will. It's not always black and white like we hope it will be but that's the beauty in the growing; all the colours in between.
Thank you all for sharing in this journey with me; together we can continue to strive for more; to spur each other on in the day to day; and to continually seek what the Lord has for us.
If you're in a similar season of unrest; of waiting for the unknown; don't be a stranger. I would love to connect with you as we figure it all out together. One day at a time.
xx- A
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