This Is Good...

Well folks, I did it. I Amy Pickard, told my testimony. It was kind of super crazy as I was ridonculously nervous about the whole situation but when the time came I just thought it's now or never, so just get it over with! I just wish I wasn't such a nervous crier, seriously the most embarrassing thing is being in a room of people you only kind of know and telling them every aspect of your life only to make it that much more awkward by tearing up. But I received some good responses and now it will most likely never be brought up again! Grand! Unfortunately that also makes me ponder if this was a complete waste of my time? My life story isn't filled with hardship, I haven't completely overcome my issues, but I think more people can relate to something like that sometimes than these men who fought battles with drugs or were gang members, for everyone tells a lie from time to time and they can see how it can get out of hand as it did for me. Not to say that those men...

Atelphobia: The fear of not being good enough.

I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center. -- Kurt Vonnegut

"The Journey One day you finally knew what you had to do, and began, though the voices around you kept shouting their bad advice -- though the whole house began to tremble and you felt the old tug at your ankles. "Mend my life!" each voice cried. But you didn't stop. You knew what you had to do, though the wind pried with its stiff fingers at the very foundations, though their melancholy was terrible. It was already late enough, and a wild night, and the road full of fallen branches and stones. But little by little, as you left their voices behind, the stars began to burn through the sheets of clouds, and there was a new voice which you slowly recognized as your own, that kept you company as you strode deeper and deeper into the world, determined to do the only thing you could do -- determined to save the only life you could save.” Mary Oliver

"to live in this world you must be able to do three things to love what is mortal; to hold it-- against your bones knowing your own life depends on it; and, when the time comes to let it go, to let it go”

Eccedentesiast: A person who fakes a smile. Well I'm not faking, things have been going really well lately and I am in such a good space even though a few things continue to be trying to bring me down. GO ME! Much love and Monday, Tuesday, happy days-- Amy

So I was asked a few weeks back to speak at a small youth service in my home town. (Why I will never know.) For frankly I really don't know what I am going to talk about. I feel like in the past most people have told a short testimony and therefore I think I am going to go that way too, but alas, my life has been rather easy and I really don't want to dwell on the crappy things of the past and I think it's best to speak about all the grand things that the Lord is doing in my life. Here's hoping that reaches someone. Much love and a loss for words-- Amy

With all the craziness of the past few days I haven't even told you about my amazing weekend on Saltspring! Saturday afternoon Cassia and I and our pal Amy took the ferry over to Amy's house to spend an awesome night at an awesome concert, Current Swell, the epitome of chill west coast music, on Saltspring, what more could you want? So after arriving at Amy's rad house (which I intend to move in to somehow!) we gallivanted around the island, met her superb new pal Shannon, and after playing a large round of "Do, date or dump" we arrived at Beaver Point Hall. Now our dear friend is a teacher and she was already concerned about this being an all ages show and man were her concerns justified for there was a high populace of drunken teenagers wearing "clothes" that resemble my dish rags at home and the doilies on my coffee table, but nevertheless we got in there, stuck our elbows out, and held our ground as these young groupies tried to steal our spots...

You know what is good? The feeling of knowing that someone is praying for you. I find that so comforting and special because I for one am the worst for actually committing to it. I've been told I am a rather compassionate person, and I agree that if you are in need of a ear or a helping hand I will ALWAYS be there for you, but when I say those four little words: "I'll pray for you!" I tend to forget to, at least for a day or two.... But I have to say this, if you do need me and will appreciate my prayers (delayed as they may be) I got your back. Anyways, just to tie in to what I intended to blog about I just wanted to say that things are looking up from yesterday, I've really learnt how to cope with the crappy feelings that I get instead of just wallowing in them and I feel like such a burden has been taken away and although those problems all still exist, they feel so small. This is good.... Much love and prayer warriors-- Amy

... or just going down? Ugh I hate when things seem to be looking up, there is that beautiful picture ahead of you and your legs are pumping as hard as they can to get to it before it disappears. Fingers reaching, arms outstretched, but nevertheless, I am left in wanting. How come friends of mine seem to get everything they want when not a single thing turns out right for me? Why am I stuck in this constant cycle of receiving a task only to never meet the requirements? Why do I always give in and make the same mistake over and over again? Where have all the blessings gone? When did I lose sight of them? I just want to be okay today.